


A Sky Full of Stars.

by reidbyers



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 11:16:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11554068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reidbyers/pseuds/reidbyers
Summary: Spencer was insecure about many things but the scaring on his back was one of the biggest things, he could find nothing beautiful about the reminder of a time in his life where he felt so incredibly unattractive. Luke however thought his scars were beautiful, a constellation for him to admire while Spencer lay naked in his bed.





	A Sky Full of Stars.

Spencer had done more research on cystic acne than he had done on anything else in his life, or at least it felt like it. He first started to notice the spots around age thirteen, due to hormone changes during puberty he wasn’t all that surprised and didn’t may that much mind to it as he put most of his attention onto his education rather than the way his skin looked. Sometimes you don’t miss something until it’s gone and it was once other people started to notice his acne that Spencer became self conscious.

If it had just been normal acne then maybe he wouldn’t have felt as bad as he did, of course nothing was that simple for him and upon doing a lot of research he learnt that he was actually suffering with Nodular acne, a type of acne that affected large areas of skin and was incredibly painful. This would explain the red bumps popping up all across his back, no one really saw his back so it was less traumatising than his face but it still made Spencer feel unattractive.

There wasn’t a lot he could do to treat his acne, there were medications like Benzoyl Peroxide which if he had the money could be bought from a pharmacy but he was too young to buy it himself and his mom refused to buy it for him. She said something about it healing up naturally or it was just irritated because of Spencer scratching it constantly, told him that wearing socks on his hands to bed would stop him rubbing at his face and arms during the night and would help clear it up. Spencer wasn’t about to argue with her even though he knew she was wrong and just had to go without the medication.

Scarring was a side effect of untreated acne and Spencer knew this, yet he didn’t ever bother his mom again with the request for the medication. It wasn’t life threatening and as of late he didn’t have anyone in his life he needed his looks to impress, not that he thought that could ever happen but he didn’t have any crushes and didn’t expect himself to have one anytime soon.

It was around the time he hit nineteen that his acne began to clear up, he as well into getting yet another PhD and people were too focused on doing to same to comment on Spencer’s skin, whether that be about how bad it was originally or how it was now clearing up. There was hardly any scarring on Spencer’s face, he chalked that down to finally being able to purchase the medication he needed himself and the acne not being the worst on his face. He had a few spots down his arms but the main issue was his back.

While his back cleared up from any of nodules and cysts they didn’t leave without leaving marks to remind him that they were there, small little scars that were scattered across the plains of his pale skin and made him feel even less desirable if that were possible. Still, no one was seeing his back and it was less difficult than before to push his worries to the back of his mind. His skin was at least somewhat clear now and he didn’t know if that was the reason but people were finally taking an interest in him, it never went anywhere but the fact they even thought for a second that he was attractive enough to flirt with was the confidence boost Spencer needed.

Even when he joined the FBI no one knew about his scars, how would they? It wasn’t the sort of thing Spencer just brought up into conversation at any given time, even years down the line when they were talking scar stories he chose to leave those ones out. After years and years they felt very personal to him and telling someone about them would only make them once again public knowledge for people to laugh at. It wasn’t until years and years later when Spencer met Luke that he even considered for a second sharing this part of himself.

At first glance Spencer didn’t think all that much of Luke, he was attractive and all but it wasn’t love at first sight like so many people claimed to have. They worked together well, Luke was smart and quick on his feet, surprisingly funny and the more time Spencer spent with him the more he started to warm to him. He didn’t allow his feelings to grow any bigger at a certain point because he was convinced that Luke was straight, that he had some girlfriend no one knew about and there was not even the smallest chance that he would be interested in Spencer. It was at the brief mention of a previous boyfriend that he felt his heartbeat begin to pick up, Luke looked over to Spencer and Spencer shot him a smile in return and that was the start of being something more than friends.

There was a list of things Spencer liked about Luke but one of the main things was that he always knew how to make him feel better, distract him from whatever was becoming a bother. It was a talent that could go underappreciated but he didn’t do it do be appreciated, Luke was selfless in a way Spencer had only saw in other members of the team so it made total sense to him why Luke had joined them.

When it finally came to getting intimate Spencer was hit with a sense of dread that he was going to have to remove his shirt, maybe it would be okay if he just laid on his back the whole time, then Luke couldn’t see his scars and everything would be okay. That was the only worry Spencer had when it came to having sex with him, Luke had made it perfectly clear that he found Spencer attractive but if he knew about the marks covering his back then maybe he’d feel differently. Part of Spencer felt like he should even tell Luke beforehand in case it made him not want to have sex, which was ridiculous but still something that crossed Spencer’s mind.

When Luke finally did see Spencer’s scars it wasn’t during sex, they were sat on the couch watching some documentary Spencer had been talking about wanting to see for weeks now and out of the blue he had just stood up and started to unbutton his shirt, Luke watched with furrowed brows as Spencer shrugged off his shirt and turned round to reveal his scars. They were far worse in his own head because Luke didn’t see anything wrong at all, yes they were scars but it didn’t mean they had to be ugly and it didn’t mean that Spencer by default was ugly for having them.

“They kinda look like stars.” Luke said eventually after studying them, he hadn’t expected the first time Spencer took his shirt off in front of him be for something like this but knowing how scary it must have been for Spencer to expose his insecurities like this made him feel even prouder of his boyfriend if that were possible. It also made Luke feel a little discouraged knowing he’d had this secret and hadn’t felt comfortable enough to talk to him about this, that was just Luke’s want to protect Spencer from any kind of negativity talking.

Spencer managed a small smile before reaching down for his shirt, before he could grab a hold of it Luke reached forward and snatched it up off of the floor. He balled the material up in his hand before leaning back on the couch, enjoying the confused look on Spencer’s face until he worked out why Luke had stopped him from putting his shirt back on. Once he did realise his cheeks flushed pink and he became painfully aware of the fact that he was standing shirtless in Luke’s apartment. The only reason he’d decided to show him his scars right then because it felt like a compulsion, like if he didn’t show him right now he was going to explode from keeping this so called secret.

After that there was nothing that Spencer felt like he couldn’t talk to Luke about, he’d seen him at his worst so things could only go up from there. Some days were better than others but the majority of the time all Spencer felt was love and support, he tried to give the same back to Luke.

When the time came to have sex, Spencer didn’t feel nervous at all. No worries about whether or not he was attractive enough or if he was going to satisfy Luke, nothing of the sorts. What he’d expected to be an awkward mess not worth all the anxiety years ago turned out to be one of the moments in his life where his mind was filled with nothing but the soft desire of this other man, and that in itself was beautiful.

It was also helpful that Luke preferred to be the more dominant one, Spencer thrived on being told what he was to do especially when most of the time it was to lay there and look pretty while Luke worshipped him. Sex for a lot of people was a necessity and while for a long time out of fear of being laughed at Spencer had told himself he could go without, when he was laying there with Luke between his legs and fingers in his mouth which he was lazily sucking on - he finally understood the hype of it all.

Sex was great but it was also overwhelming at times, sharing yourself with someone and trusting they take care of you took a lot of trust and while Spencer gladly gave it all to Luke sometimes they’d finish and Spencer would specifically need aftercare. Not to say that other times they’d just roll over and not look at each other but with this he actively needed comfort that he would perhaps not ask for in other situations.

“What do you need, Pen?” Pet names were still something Spencer didn’t really understand how to use, a lot of them felt impersonal and didn’t fit right in his mouth. He couldn’t deny the giddy feeling he got when Luke slipped out the occasional “babe” but otherwise the normal ones society deemed appropriate were just not his style. Pen was perfect though, it was a shortened version of Peninsula which was something not romantic or cutesy in the slightest. A Peninsula is an small island surrounded almost completely by water, they had been watching yet another documentary per his boyfriend’s request and Luke had noticed how they resembled the scars on Spencer’s back. It was less cliche then saying they looked like stars and satisfied Spencer’s request for a name less common.

The first time he had used it in public Penelope had shot her head around thinking he was speaking to her, then going on and on about how that name was reserved for JJ’s use only while Spencer sat beside him smiling to himself. Despite it being confusing for their friends as they didn’t know the origin of the name no one asked questions, they all saw how happy got when Spencer heard the nickname so they decided to just let them be. Eventually Spencer lied and said it was just a shortened version of his name, they wondered why not just use Spence like the rest of them but still didn’t question.

Spencer rolled back onto his back, his legs aching both from being on his knees for so long and due to the intensity of his orgasm. He stared up at the ceiling while Luke cleaned up, his chest falling and rising with each heavy breath he took. It wasn’t until Luke was laying beside him that he finally spoke up.

“Will you sing to me?” This wasn’t something out of the blue, Spencer had asked for this a few times before and it was always the same song. A song that didn’t really hold any strong meaning to him but one that now when he heard it his head was flooded with thoughts of Luke. There was something comforting about Luke’s voice, he wasn’t the world’s best singer or anything like that but his voice was low and warm and made Spencer feel safe.

Luke nodded his head and immediately Spencer turned onto his side, facing away from Luke so that his back was exposed. He hadn’t even begun to sing yet but at the small kiss pressed to the top of his spine Spencer already felt more relaxed than felt humanly possible, Luke touched him with such softness like he was a fine piece of art or vintage piece of china but he didn’t mind at all. Sometimes, not always but sometimes it was nice to be treated like something small and delicate.

Once Spencer’s breathing had evened out and he was almost lulled to sleep by the patterns being traced on his back by Luke’s fingers, almost as if he were playing connect the dots with Spencer’s marks, that was when he began to sing. It was quiet and slightly mumbled due to Luke also being tired by this point but for Spencer he kept singing until he was asleep in his arms, a smile present on his lips.

_Cause in a sky, cause in a sky full of stars._   
_I think I see you, I think I see you._

_Cause you’re a sky you’re a sky full of stars, such a heavenly view._   
_You’re such a heavenly view_


End file.
